Concept

9-7-11, Wednesday

This morning I painted directly from the figure for the first time ever. I was frightened and overwhelmed, but I came up with a sketch that I will finish later. My idea is that the human body, in essence, is a landscape, a cityscape, and a place to be explored. With my recent realization that painting physical environments bores me more than waiting in an elevator, I decided to use the figure drawing sessions to my advantage and try to merge my love of the figure with concepts of “place.” I’m sure all this concept doesn’t pour out of my paintings when you see them, but these are the ideas that keep me painting – subliminal, subconscious, or aesthetically – I hope they at least have a chance to shine through. This is just the underpainting:

Struttura, Oil on canvas, 14” x 11”, 9/7/2011

As I walked around today I had a moment: The carless cobblestone streets I walk down daily, the ancient looming buildings I gaze up at while passing, the views of an endless horizon that I wake up to everyday, all these amazing moments here are real. My nature is to mourn the slow demise of this beautiful experience, but my goal is to live in it, every second of it, and not look back or forward as long as I’m within the Medieval city walls of Montecastello di Vibio.

Same goes for my art. In a moment of my being discouraged by my lack of skill, Jonny mentioned to me that this isn’t only a trip to practice painting and get better, but it’s a voyage of self-examination. Within my art I’ve always set up limits within it that I didn’t even realize existed. I want to lift those limits I inflict on my creativity, and I want to explore what lies behind them in the darkness. I’m not promising myself that I’ll have a revelation, but I’m allowing the opportunity to come my way with open arms!

I’ve never had time before – there is always something more pressing to do, something that distracts me, and something that just sneaks up and steals all my time away from me. It’s been so long since I’ve had space in my head to look inward again...At first I was intimidated to look in, and I still am, but I think I’m going to enjoy digging deeper.

In the afternoon I decided I wanted to do a self-portrait. In the beginning my studio really creeped me out, so much that I moved my supplies downstairs in an attempt to move to another one. As I left my studio, I felt a sadness, like it was the wrong decision, so the next day I returned to the studio to claim it as my own once again. I chose to use the studio as a representation of myself – this abandoned space stretching across the top of the building silently, divided into different sections and hidden compartments, with some of the best views in town [joke];P. Right now this painting is pretty rough, I just started it today, but it will represent my internal self-examination. It’s me (even though it really doesn’t look like me) looking at the viewer indirectly, but through the glass behind me you can see the different sections of the studio getting darker as you go further in. The studio is my psyche, and in the glass, I’ll attempt to paint two reflections of myself – one that is looking away from the physical image of myself and into the darkest room of the studio. In the darkest room there will be an image of me staring directly out at the viewer from the darkness. I may not achieve this, but at least it’s an exercise that may help me out.

Me Stessa, Oil on canvas, 14” x 11”, 9/7/2011